Too Close
by mandyrose2128
Summary: Harry has been keeping a secret for years but he cant tell the one person who means the most to him. My first fanfic/slashfic, so please R R, would mean a lot to get some feedback. PUDD cause I love them :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't anything, just my imagination and I don't own the boys even though that would be awesome and I certainly wouldn't be writing if they were here with me ****J**

**AN: The web chat in this first chapter is what inspired me to actually write this. This stuff was said but I changed the meaning and context around it and made it go the way I wanted it too. If you want to watch the web chat, this is it: watch?v=b6PZem45prU**

Harry's Pov

"Okay, this whole Pudd thing is getting out of hand," Dougie said raising his voice, "it's weird and odd and just getting slightly annoying."

I remember when 'Pudd' started. Our friendship happened almost from the start, except for the time I shrugged him off at the auditions. Looking back now I feel kind of bad about that but how was I supposed to know that this little blonde kid that was chatting me up, would end up being the person I'm closest to in the world? When Dougie moved into the band house with Tom, Danny and I, we were left alone for two weeks together. Tom and Danny had gone to the states for some writing sessions with another band, so we were on our own. Those two weeks were awesome, we were opposites but somehow completely clicked. It was a great bonding experience for us full of rehearsals, food, films, pranks and lots of talking. We'd stay up all night talking about anything and everything. When Tom and Danny returned we did it all over again with them and became really close.

Anybody who knows Mcfly, knows our story and how close we all are. Everyone says that Dougie and I have a special bond, somehow we just get each other. But what people don't know is that I've been hiding something for a long time. I'm sure people suspect, I read the blogs and the stuff fans say.

For the record, there is honestly nothing going on between me and Dougie. I'm very affectionate towards him and always hugging him or holding his hand and trying to cuddle with him. Occasionally I'll kiss him on his cheek. At first, all of this stuff was just to annoy him because I loved irritating him and he always had a come-back for me but he knew it was all in good fun. He started doing the same stuff back to me thinking he was picking on me or just joining in on the joke of it.

Then one day I realized. We were backstage at a gig hanging out before the show and Dougie was sitting across from me on the other sofa. He was cracking lame jokes and had a cheeky smile on his face. I looked into his eyes and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am in love with Dougie, one of my best mates.

Which brings us back to the present. He doesn't know I have feelings for him. Him and the guys joke around and call me gay and Tom says I'm obsessed with Dougie. I guess it's partly true. I am a little infatuated with him but that's because I am in love and when you are in love, you want to be around that person as much as possible. We spend pretty much all day everyday together and I still cant get enough of him. But as for being gay, I don't want to label myself. I'm not attracted to other men, only Dougie but you can't help who you fall in love with whether it be a man or woman.

We were all sitting around Tom's house waiting for the web chat to start and I had to mentally kick myself a thousand times each time I caught myself staring at Buttsy. That's one of my many nicknames for him. I loved looking at him and I loved his blonde fringe hair and how it came to rest over his amazing blue eyes. I loved his smooth skin and the shape of his body. I even loved the smallness of his feet.

'Dammit Harry, quit staring'.

He thinks that he just looks awkward but I think he's beautiful. It's funny how obvious I am even though I try so hard not to stare. The fans are very perceptive of me, they can always tell in pictures and videos when I look at him with adoration. But Dougie has never figured it out.

"Okay guys, time to go get on the couch so we can get started," said Fletch, our manager. Tom and Dougie were already on the sofa and Danny and I made our way over with Danny sitting next to Tom and I next to Dougie. He gave me a smirk as I sat down and winked at him playfully. We were all squished together leaning forward towards the camera and laptop when Dougie all of a sudden leaned back and drew his knees up to his chest. I looked at him quizzically, wondering why he was bunching himself up like that. He didn't say anything so I just gave him a cheeky grin and grabbed his left knee, hugging it. The web chat started and we all said our hellos.

"Hi everyone welcome to our web chat," I said while resting my chin on Dougie's kneecap. "We've been having some technical difficulties but I think we have gotten everything figured out now." Danny was making faces at the camera and Tom was answering questions and talking about our Supercity website. I was reading the questions when I came across a Pudd question.

"Who wants Pudd to kiss?" asked Tom before I had a chance to say it. I lifted my finger in the air jokingly signaling that I wanted to. I chose to laugh it off as our regular joking even though my heart was pounding out of my chest. I put my arm around Dougie and started teasing him, all the while thinking what it would be like to taste his lips.

That's when Dougie changed the game. "This whole Pudd thing is getting out of hand," Dougie said raising voice, "it's weird and odd and just getting slightly annoying." He has raised his voice by now so I removed my arm from around his shoulders and just laid it on the couch behind, staying silent the whole time. Why did he say that? He knows it's just a joke right? I could feel the heat of embarrassment rise onto my cheeks and the pain of rejection rush through me. He's never acted like this before.

'Act cool Harry, don't let it him know it bothered you and don't look at him.'

Dougie just sat there hugging his knees again as the web chat continued. He was acting like he was frustrated but tried to join in on the conversation again for the web chat. I could feel hot tears form at the corners of my eyes and an ache spread through my chest all the way through my arms.

I could feel the tears trying to spill over, so I quickly faked a yawn and rubbed my eyes. I needed to get out of there but I couldn't just up and leave, it would look suspicious. I tried to calm myself down but I just kept replaying Dougie's words in my head and the tone of his voice. After a few more minutes of contemplating leaving, Dougie got up rather quickly and went to play with the camera.

'He hates the Pudd thing so much he cant even stand to be next to me' I thought. The urge to cry was even greater now.

"Okay you guys, I'm sorry but I'm tired. I'm going to head home." I said quickly. Good excuse to get out of there. I threw them a bye over my shoulder and rushed out the front door. I didn't even bother to wait for a reply. I quickly walked down the street trying to keep my composure. I only lived a few houses down from Tom. We all lived on the same street to be close to one another. The tears were seeping out of my eyes by then and even though it hurt, I was thankful none of the boys came out after me.

I cant believe I let it bother me this much. I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and unlocked my front door. I took a deep breath and stepped in, shutting the door behind me and leaned my back up against it. Trying to regain my composure I decided to walk upstairs, stripping my clothes off along the way, planning to take a shower. I turned the water on and let the hot stream run over me. I need to somehow stop thinking of him this way, stop wanting him. Maybe I do need to spend less time with him, try to start avoiding him so I can try and get past this. It breaks my heart even thinking about it but I don't know what else to do and it's not like I can tell him. I finished washing up and stepped out of the shower. Just then the doorbell rang.

'Oh my God, I cant deal with this right now.'

I hurriedly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist as I rushed downstairs to open the door. Looking through the peephole I sighed and opened the door.

"What's up Danny?"

"Hey mate, you alright?" he asked with his thick northern accent, "you just rushed out of there."

"Yea I'm fine, just tired." I hoped he would accept that.

"Yea, sure." he said.

No such luck, Danny can see right through me. I turned around and walked into the living room with Danny following behind. I sat on the arm of the sofa and he took a seat on the recliner across from me.

"Listen, I know that what Dougie said probably hurt your feelings back there. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Danny said with concern in his voice.

Danny knows, he's the only one who knows, about my situation. He had suspected and one day I couldn't hold it in any longer and had to tell someone. Danny happened to be there. He didn't judge me, just tried to be there for me. He's been my confidant over these last few months after I told him. Which that role is usually saved for Dougie but it's not like I can confide in him about this.

"I'll be fine, just hearing him talk like that hit me the wrong way," I said, "Dougie and I are so close but lately it seems like we have been drifting apart. Maybe he thinks we are getting too close, I don't know."

"Well," Danny started, " you know I still think you should talk to him, get this stuff out and in the open with him."

"You know I cant do that Danny," I said exhaustively, "If we're drifting apart now, imagine how much we would grow apart if I told him I am in love with him. He probably wouldn't want anything to do with me. No the best thing is for me is to keep my distance aside from band stuff and hope we get past this."

My eyes became damp at the realization of what I just said out loud. I was willing to distance myself from the only person in the world who truly knew me and was closest to? Danny looked at me with sadness in his eyes as he tried to think of something to say.

"Do you really think that's best?" he asked.

"I don't want to do that but this whole thing is driving me crazy. I've been carrying the weight of this around for too many years now." I explained, "It's time to move on."

"Okay, I don't agree with it but I respect your decision," said Danny.

"Thanks, and thanks for checking up on me but I think I'm going to head to bed now" I told him.

"Alright, g'night mate."

I showed him to the door and let him out, locking up after he left. I turned out all the lights and headed upstairs. I was under so much stress and it just felt nice to slip between the sheets and rest my head on my pillows. I drifted off to sleep, worrying about how I was going to handle all of this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything or anyone, but it would be awesome if I did. **

**A/N: I wrote this at about 2am so I'm reposting this because of errors in the original. Thank you to Neon Douche for bringing it my attention. Thank you guys for your reviews ****J**

**I will be trying to update at least once a week. I'm on vacation right now visiting family. So using a computer is going to be a little difficult but I will try my best. Thanks for the 2 reviews, I'm just glad anyone is reading it at all. Sorry if it's a little slow, like I said it is my first fan-fiction. Now on to the story.**

Chapter 2

I scrunched my eyes up at the sunlight pouring through the window and grabbed my blanket, pulling it up over my face. It has to be early still and I plan on sleeping more to avoid the unwanted day ahead. We had interviews and promo to do for our upcoming tour which I had been looking forward to but not today.

'Beep…beep…beep…..'

Well so much for sleeping in, looks like the guys are already trying to bug me. I picked up my phone from the bed side table and checked my messages. It was Tom telling me they would be here in 30 minutes to pick me up. I groaned and rolled over forcing myself to put my feet on the floor. I took a shower last night so all I have to do is make myself presentable. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and was shocked to see the face looking back at me. My eyes were red and puffy and my whole face looked a little swollen. I realized that I probably must have cried in my sleep or something, God I feel like such a girl. I grabbed a wash cloth and stuck it under the cold water. After I wrung it out I wiped it all over my face, trying to get rid of the redness and reduce some of the swelling. Satisfied with the effort I brushed my teeth and went back into my room.

I was not going to put much thought into what I wore today so I just grabbed some dark wash jeans, a blue tee and my blue Radii's. I threw my clothes and shoes on and ran downstairs to make some tea while I waited for the guys.

There was a knock at the door and a second later Tom walked into the kitchen.

"Hey mate, ready to go?" he asked.

"Yea, just finishing up my tea." I replied.

I put my cup in the sink and followed Tom out of the house and locked my front door. I walked out to the waiting SUV and climbed in. I saw Dougie sitting in the far back and decided to take the seat next to Danny so Tom had to sit in back with Dougie. I said good morning to Danny and said nothing to Dougie. He didn't even acknowledge me and continued messing around on his phone. The rejection stung a bit but this is what my plan was, to separate myself and distance myself from him. Danny gave me a nod and a sympathetic smile.

"Hey mate, so I think I may have met someone last night," Danny started. " After the web chat I went to the bar and had a few drinks and a girl came up and started chatting-"

"Oh no Danny, not this again." Tom interrupted him.

"Hey, if you didn't want to know about it, you shouldn't have came along." Danny shot back

"You're the one who dragged me along and made me go." whined Tom.

"Anyway Harry," Danny continued, " we hit it off really well and talked at the bar for a long time, quite a looker too." he said winking at me.

"Good for you Danny." I smiled at him.

"Yea great for him," said Tom, " why don't you tell him the part of how that wasn't a woman Danny."

"What?" Danny shouted. "I think I would have noticed something like that."

"Dude you were three sheets to the wind, you wouldn't have noticed anything." Tom said laughing. "It was clearly a man dressed as a woman."

"Are you serious Tom? Don't mess with me!" Danny said trying not to freak out.

"Why do you think I kept trying to get you of there? I was trying to save you from a possible disaster." Tom assured him.

"Aww man….I even asked her for her phone number."

I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation. "Mate, you picked up a dude haha."

"Oh God, I'm never drinking again" he decided.

Danny was silent pretty much the rest of the way and besides a little bit of laughing, Dougie still hadn't said a word. Tom and I discussed the photo shoot we were headed to until we arrived at our destination. We piled out of the vehicle and walked into the building.

A woman in her thirties approached us and greeted us.

"Oh good, you boys are here, go ahead and follow me."

She led us back to the studio where we would be doing our shoot and there was racks of clothing along the wall where we would be changing at. I remembered the last photo shoot we did was similar to this with white wall as a background and they had Tom and Danny standing together and Dougie and I standing together. We had been so comfortable then and had our arms around each other, it was a fun shoot. This shoot was hopefully going to be different because if the photographer wanted me and Dougie standing together for this one, it was going to become very awkward.

As we changed and shots set were set up, I tried to clear my head and focus on the task at hand. My head however, had other plans. I just kept going over the last few weeks trying to pinpoint when things started to change, the moment when we started drifting apart. I couldn't figure it out. We ended up just doing a bunch of group shots and a few individual ones. We finished around noon and headed out to do some radio interviews. The whole entire day passed without us even saying a single word to each other and I was pretty sure the other guys could feel the tension in the air.

"Well we're finally done boys," said Tom, "You guys want to go get some dinner or some drinks?"

We all agreed even though I would have rather gone home but I had to keep face and keep pushing on like nothing was wrong. We decided to go the pub that was close to our homes so we wouldn't have to go very far if one of us became to intoxicated.

"I am not drinking tonight." Danny tried to make clear.

"Yea sure mate. No hitting on guys tonight." I said with a laugh.

He just glared at me and took a seat. I ordered a round while we tried to decide on food and when the drinks arrived Dougie got up and went to talk to some friends he saw at another table.

"So you going to tell me what's going on?" Tom started.

"Nothing to tell mate." I replied.

"Seriously? Something is going on. The air is so thick between you and Dougie that I could cut it with a knife."

I looked at Danny for some help but he was busy texting on his phone.

"I don't know Tom. He's been acting weird with me for the past couple of weeks," I told him, "he's the one avoiding me."

"Did something happen between you two, did you have a fight?"

"No, nothing. Look can we not talk about this right now? Dougie is coming back."

I was not going to have this conversation with Tom while Dougie was around. We had some light conversation, finished our food and had a few more rounds to drink. By the time we were ready to leave, Dougie was plastered and could barely stand up.

"Okay boys, time to go." said Tom.

Danny ended up drinking anyways and was almost in the same state that Dougie was in.

Tom was rounding them up and turned to me,

"I'll get Danny home and you take Dougie home."

"What? No, let me take Danny-"

"No, you take him, he listens to you more than he does me, especially when he is drunk."

I tried to protest again but Tom was already walking out the door with Danny. I turned to Dougie and went to put my arm around him to lead him outside but he pushed my arm away.

"I cen walk on me own" he slurred. "I don't need yer help."

"Listen, whatever is going on can we just set it aside right now so I can get you home please. I know you don't like me right now for whatever reason but I'd rather make sure you get home safe. You can go back to avoiding me tomorrow." I said sternly.

He just sighed and let me guide him outside. Tom and Danny were waiting in the cab when we climbed in. We all got out at Danny's house and Tom guided him up to his house after we said our goodbyes. Me and Dougie started walking to his house and we got to his yard just in time for Dougie to reach the trash can and begin puking. I stood next to him and rubbed his back waiting for him to finish.

"Ohhh, I feel like I'm gonna die." Dougie groaned.

"You'll be fine Doug, lets get inside and get you to bed."

I grabbed his keys from his coat pocket and unlocked the door. We stepped inside and I helped him up the stairs to his room. He plopped down on his bed and I started removing his shoes.

"Just go Harry, I can manage on my own." he said.

"I know you can, I'm just trying to help, you're drunk." I said as I continued taking off his shoes.

He lifted his arms and let me help take off his shirt. He managed to take off his jeans and just laid there in his boxers. I grabbed his blanket and pulled it up to his chest and realized he had already passed out.

I knelt down and brushed the hair off his face with my fingertips.

"I'm sorry that it has come to this Dougie and I really wish I could tell you how I feel." I whispered with my hand still touching his face. "I wish I knew why you were acting like this, why you are pushing me away. Maybe it is for the best."

I got up and walked into the hallway about to close the door behind me.

"I know Harry."

I froze in place. I couldn't move, did he really just hear everything I said? I slowly turned around walked back to his bedside. He was looking up at me and repeated,

"I know. I know what's going on….but I can't." He said softly and then closed his eyes.

"Dougie I…Dougie?"

He had passed back out. I walked downstairs in shock. How does he know? I decided to sleep on the couch and wait till morning. We were going to talk about this even if it killed me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's taken a while to get this chapter up but I was debating on whether to try Dougie's pov or stick with Harry's pov. So I decided to try it out with Dougie but the story will still primarily be from Harry's point of view. Sorry for any errors.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and I certainly don't own the guys but I can dream ****J**

**Dougie's POV**

"Ughh…" My head felt like it had gotten ran over by a stampede. I barely even remember making it home. I tried to block out the sun coming through the window by rolling over but that just made my head spin more. I could feel the bile rising up in my throat and jumped off my bed and ran to the bathroom, tripping over my feet along the way. I rested my head against the toilet seat after emptying out my stomach and waited for the dizziness to stop. After a few minutes I pulled myself up and reached over to turn on the shower. I had to get rid of this disgusting alcohol smell and clean myself up. I finished showering and brushing my teeth and walked back into my room to get dressed.

I pulled on some clothes and shoes and decided to go downstairs to the kitchen to find something to get rid of this hangover and headache. I reached the kitchen and went to the cupboard and grabbed some aspirin and a bottle of water from the fridge.

'Ring…ring…ring….'

The loud noise rang through my ears as I tried to hurry and shut it off.

"Oh my god, why are you calling me now? My head feels like it's going to explode." I yelled at whoever was on the line.

"Good morning to you too. Drank too much last night eh?" asked Tom.

"Just a bit," I replied, "what's up?"

"I was just wondering if you had seen or talked to Harry since last night? He's not answering his phone and he's not answering his door." explained Tom.

"How the fuck should I know where he's at? I don't keep tabs on him." I snapped back.

"Bloody hell man, it was just a question. He took you home last night so you were the last one to see him." said Tom.

He brought me home? So that's who helped me into bed. Oh god, I remember now, me and my stupid drunk talking self.

"Dougs..Dougie you there?" asked Tom.

"Yea, just a sec." I replied.

I walked around the house and looked into the living room to find none other than Mr. Judd asleep on my couch. I walked back into the kitchen so I wouldn't wake him.

"I just found him, he's asleep on my couch." I told Tom.

"Oh great, fucking prick scared me. We have lots to do today, go wake him up." Tom said.

"Yea, yea. Bye."

I hung up and grabbed my keys and went back to the living room.

"Harry…Harry." I said while nudging him.

"Hmmmm…."

"Harry wake up."

"Mmmmfffrr…." What the hell is he dreaming about.

"HARRY!"

Harry jumped at the yelling and fell right off the couch and looked around scared.

"Dude wake up, we have to go and you still have to go home and get ready." I told him.

"Did you really have to wake me up like that?" he asked with a frown.

"Well nothing else was working." I eyed him cautiously.

He got up and sat back down on the couch rubbing his eyes and yawning. He looked up at me as I was standing at the edge of the couch waiting for him to get up and hopefully leave so I could escape this awkwardness that was creeping in.

"We need to talk Dougie-" started Harry.

"No time now, gotta go. You know your way out, see ya in a little while."

With that I was out the door and in my car before he had a chance to stop me. I know he wants to talk to me and I know what about but I can't have that conversation with him. Ever since I found out about his feelings for me I've been trying to avoid him but only because I don't want him to get the wrong idea from me. It's been a definite struggle on our friendship, to go from so close to barely speaking. I miss my best friend, I miss him so much but I can't go down that road.

I found out a few weeks ago when I overheard him and Danny talking. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop at first but then I ended up hearing everything. I was shocked at first but I figured I could deal with it. But then there were those moments that Harry and I share when we are playing and I could no longer look at them as playing and I kept wondering what he was thinking when he was hugging me or teasing me. I decided to pull back and put some distance between us.

I don't think of him in a romantic way, it's too weird for me, I mean…it's Harry. Harry that I've known since I was 15. Harry that taught me how to shave. Harry that used to give me advice about girls. Harry, the guy I used to have farting and burping contests with. I know that is gross but what can I say, we're guys.

So, I decided to try the mean approach which has been hard for me. Harry and I usually get along so well so it's hard having to be mean to him but whatever it takes to push him away I'll try. I know we need to talk but I just can't bring myself to face the situation. This kind of situation is exactly what I would talk to my best friend about, I would talk to Harry about everything. I could always talk to him but seeing as he is the subject and reason for this new development, I can't just call him up and discuss it. I know that when we do finally talk I'm afraid it will change our friendship forever.

I arrived at our manager's office where we were all supposed to be meeting. I pulled into the parking lot and saw that Tom and Danny were already there. I walked up to Tom's Mini as they were getting out.

"Hey guys." I greeted them.

"Hey, where's Harry?" asked Tom while Danny looked around.

"Probably on his way here. He had to go home to get ready." I replied.

"Why didn't you just wait for him so you guys could ride together?" asked Danny, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Cause I was ready to go and he wasn't, what's the big deal?" I shot back.

"Well I'm going to head in." announced Tom.

"I'm right behind you Tom, just give me a sec." said Danny.

I started to follow Tom figuring Danny could wait for Harry if he wanted.

"No, you stay," commanded Danny as he grabbed my arm, "we need to have a little chat."

"What is it Danny?" I sighed at him.

"You tell me Dougs. What's going on? Why are you being a fucking dick to Harry?" Danny was getting a little forceful.

"I'm not and why is it any of your business?" I asked.

"Because you both are my friends and I want to know why two people who are supposed to be friends are falling apart?" he shot at me.

"We're not falling apart, I've just been busy." I replied.

"That's a load of shit and you know it. Truth time right now." Danny demanded. His northern accent really came through when he was angry.

"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T ANYTHING," I yelled at him, "I heard you guys talking, I heard everything."

"Oh…I didn't know Dougie. I'm sorry," he said, "but that doesn't give you the right to treat Harry like shit."

"I'm not meaning too but the whole thing is just too weird for me." I told him.

"So what, now you're a homophobe? It's not like he's ever made a pass at you. I mean, it's Harry for god sakes." Danny was getting angry again.

"I just don't want him to feel like that towards me. I'm not gay!" I said.

"Nobody said you were, mate. But you acting like he is a nobody doesn't help matters. He is your best friend, he deserves better than that." Danny explained. "You need to fix this and soon." he said poking a finger into my chest."

"Look, I don't know if I can or if I want to. If him and I talk about this our friendship will never be the same…..Ughh, why did he have to go and ruin everything!" I cried out.

"Mate, he couldn't help it. You can't help who you fall in love with." stated Danny.

I sighed and turned my head to the right. Harry was standing at the corner of the building staring at me. He looked scared and hurt and I was pretty sure he had just heard everything that was said. He walked past us up to the door and started to go in.

"Harry wait." I tried to stop him.

"No….don't worry….. I wont ruin anything anymore," Harry said turning around, his face void of emotion. He stared coldly right into my eyes and said "you never have to worry about me again."

He turned back around and walked inside, door closing behind him. I started to go in after him but Danny stopped me.

"No mate, let him be. Wait here a few minutes before coming up so he can have some space."

Danny walked in while I waited and tried to figure out how and why everything got so messed up and what I was going to do to solve it. Me and my big fucking mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay Chapter 4 is here. Two chapters in 3 days, YAY! I'm not sure when their twitter status's changed but for the purpose of this story, it's the beginning of 2011. Thank you guys for all the reviews, it means a lot. I will hopefully have chapter 5 up tonight, apologies if I don't make it. **

**Harry's POV**

I am so humiliated. I feel like my insides have been ripped out and laid bare for everyone to see. The one person I wasn't ready to tell now knows and probably hates me for it. Why did everything have to get so screwed up?

I did my best to avoid Dougie for the rest of the day and every time he started to come near me Danny would step in as a barrier. I really appreciated Danny through all of this. I know a lot of the time some people don't think he is very swift, hell we think the same thing sometimes. But Danny is smart and compassionate where it counts and he's a great friend to have and lean on. He'd probably give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

For the rest of the week I managed to keep a safe distance from Dougie and Danny was there making sure I was alright. I made it through all the promos and radio interviews and was able to put on my 'everything is okay' face. Dougie finally stopped trying to talk to me and just left me alone. If there was one thing we were not going to do it was that we were not going to allow this to damage the band.

I did go on my twitter though and changed my status from Dougie's Boyfriend to Drummer in Mcfly. Just wanted to keep it simple and try not to cause too much chaos in the fandom. The day after I did that, I noticed Dougie had changed his status from Harry's Girlfriend to Bass Player in Mcfly. After that, Twitter and Tumblr blew up and I tried to just pass it off as moving on in my replies and hopefully made it sound like it wasn't a big deal. I really love our fans, they are crazy and nosey but they do care about us and support us through everything.

Friday night rolled around and Tom was still not sure of what was going on but he was trying his hardest to keep us together and wanted us all to go out.

"Maybe tomorrow night mate. I'm just not into it tonight." I tried to let him down easy.

"Do you want me to call it off and I could just hang out here with you? We could have a Fludd night." he laughed.

"No that's okay," I snickered back, "the others probably want to go out too. You just go out with them and have some fun. I'll be alright."

"Are you sure?" he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, I think it may be a little awkward there and I don't want to cause any tension in the group tonight." I told him.

"I really wish you guys would fix whatever is going on. I know something happened but none of you will tell me what it is." he said sounding frustrated.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now, maybe some other time." I replied.

"Okay, fine. My offer still stands for tonight though." Tom said.

"Thanks mate." I smiled at him.

I closed the front door after he left and settled down onto my couch for a night alone with some movies and popcorn.

**Dougie's POV**

Danny and I were on our way to the club to meet to Tom and Harry and it was a very strained car ride. I could tell that Danny was still upset with me but at least he was still talking to me. We were taking a cab there because we were pretty sure we wouldn't be able to drive back and Tom was driving anyways so he would be the designated driver tonight.

"I'd really like to try talking to him tonight so can you do me a favor and not block me this time. I'm trying to make amends and I can't do it when you are getting in the way." I said to Danny.

I had to say it fast and get it all out before he had a chance to stop me. That's all he has been doing since this whole thing started even though he was the one who told me to fix it.

"I know mate but he needed his space and some time to process the fact that you know something that he wasn't ready for you to find out yet. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to tell you." Danny replied.

I wasn't sure how to take that, it would have been better had I not heard anything and we would still be best friends. I wasn't sure why I was about to ask this but the morbid side of me needed to know, the side that liked to be tortured.

"How long has he known?" Simple, easy question that had a loaded answer I'm sure.

"Are you sure you want to know that?" asked Danny

"Yes." I assured.

"He told me about it almost a year ago." Danny answered.

"A whole year, that long?" I was surprised.

"No, I said that's how long I have known. I really shouldn't be telling you this stuff. This is stuff you need to talk to Harry about." Danny said quickly.

"So longer than a year, just tell me." I pushed.

"No, we are here. Let's get inside." said Danny.

We both got out and I paid the driver before heading into the club. I scanned the room for Tom and Harry but saw no sign of them.

"I found Tom." said Danny.

We made our way over but there was no Harry.

"Where is H at mate?" asked Danny before I was even able to open my mouth.

"He stayed home, said he wasn't feeling up to it tonight." explained Tom.

Danny gave me a worried a look and then went to get a round for us.

"I'm really worried about him, he hasn't been himself lately." said Tom.

"I know…it's mostly my fault." I told Tom.

He frowned at me with his 'what did you do now face'.

"Can someone please tell me what happened?" asked Tom.

"Not yet, let's just say I said some things that were uncalled for and out of line about Harry." I tried to explain to him.

Danny came back with our drinks and we just sat there sipping at them.

"Okay, I'm going to go, sorry guys. Danny explain to Tom what the hell is going on before he has a melt down. I need to go make this right." I said to the guys and threw some money down on the table and left. I had the doorman call a cab and I waited outside.

I was going to fix this. I was going straight over to Harry's and get my best friend back. I just hoped he could forgive me and be okay with us just going back to normal. I didn't really know how I felt about him having feelings for me but I would deal with it. He was still my best friend and he was still the only person I felt the closest to out of everyone in my life.

The cab pulled up and I gave him the address and got in. Twenty minutes later I was standing outside his house trying to come up with something to say to him. I could tell he was in the living room, I could see the light from the television. I took a deep breath and made my way up the front walk and stood in front of the door. I rang the doorbell and stepped back to wait for him. I could hear is foot steps come up to the door and stop.

"Harry, I know you're there, please let me in." I pleaded.

I could hear him sigh on the other side and heard the lock click.

**Harry's POV**

What is he doing here, I thought to myself as I opened the door.

I took a deep breath and stepped back to let him in. Might as well get this over with. He walked in and stopped in the hallway.

"Can we talk now please?" Dougie asked quietly.

"Yea." I said softly. I walked into the living room and sat down as he sat opposite me in the recliner.

"I'm not sure where to start." he began, "but I do want to apologize for what happened the other day. It was not okay for me to say those things. I'm also sorry for avoiding you, I could have handled it in a better way."

I just stared at the floor, not sure how to respond. My mind was racing trying to figure out how I was going to explain myself.

"Can you look at me please?" he asked.

I lifted my head up and looked at him, searching his face trying to see if he showed any signs of disgust.

"I'm sorry I caused all of this," I said to him, "I should have just kept silent and dealt with it on my own."

"No, don't be sorry. I understand, you needed someone to talk to and I realize it was something you couldn't come to me with." he said still looking at me.

"It wasn't something I was ever going to tell you." I said, averting my eyes.

"Well tell me now please, " he asked, "I promise it won't change my opinion of you. I know I reacted badly before but please give me a chance. You are still my best friend Harry, no matter what."

I guess now was the time to tell the truth. I took a deep breath and decided to start at the beginning.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here is chapter 5. I'm not sure how I feel about it. The ending seems weird to me but oh well. It sets up for where I'm going with chapter 6. Hope you enjoy and thanks for the reviews, they mean a lot and I'm glad people are liking my story. Sorry for any errors.**

**Chapter 5**

**Harry's POV**

I was going to start from the beginning but I became really nervous and wasn't sure how to explain.

"What do you want to know?" I asked Dougie.

"I don't know….everything…When did it start?" he asked me quietly.

"Probably around the Radio Active tour…... That's when I noticed my feelings were getting a little chaotic." I told him honestly.

"You have held it in all this time?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes."

I paused for a second trying to get my heart rate under control and I could feel my hands trembling. I took another deep breath and decided to go for it, just spill it all out.

"I was having all these weird feelings towards you. It was like I was seeing you in a new light…. Are you sure you want to hear all of this?" I asked him.

He looked at me for a moment, searching my face for something, I didn't know what.

"Yea, I'm sure. I want to know where you're coming from." He answered, leaning forward in his seat a little.

"Okay…God this is so difficult." I sighed.

"Please try."

"So it was around the RA tour and it just kept building from there. I had been watching you grow and change to become a…a…man. And believe me I tried to shut the feelings off, I tried to ignore them. I was just telling myself it was a phase but it never went away."

"But I never did anything to give you hope. I never did anything besides our normal playing around." said Dougie.

"You didn't have too. Mate, nobody can help who they become attracted to. When I realized what was happening I became disgusted with myself but one night we were sitting around and I just knew. I looked at you and that was it. I stopped fighting it and just accepted it." I explained to him.

"What exactly did you accept?" he asked me softly.

"….That am in love with you…" There I said it, out in the open. His eyes got a little wider and he looked like he wasn't sure what to say to that.

"About a year ago, when you were still with Frankie, I kind of had a melt down in front of Danny and I finally had to say what was going on. Danny was not the first person I would have told but it ended up being a good thing. He has been there for me and kept me sane."

"I don't understand how I never noticed anything. I didn't know anything until I overheard you guys talking about it." he said.

"Cause I was very good at hiding it. I would have went on hiding it too because I didn't want to ruin what we had," I said, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up, "You're friendship is the most important thing in the world to me. I didn't want to jeopardize it."

I could feel the tears starting to spill over on to my cheeks and I was embarrassed. I didn't want him to see my cry. I took a deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly but the tears still came. I frantically wiped my eyes and then felt a pair of arms wrap around me. He was hugging me and rubbing one of his hands up and down my back.

"Our friendship is not ruined and I'm not mad or disgusted, okay?" he said to me.

"Okay." I managed to get out as I hugged him back and breathed in his scent.

"I'm flattered and I'm glad you told me. Don't you feel better now, getting it off your chest?" he asked me.

"A little but still pretty embarrassed." I chuckled.

He smiled at me with those beautiful blue eyes and said " Now that this out you can start to move on and maybe meet some other guy, someone better than me."

I paused and held my breath, staring at him.

"Dougie, I'm not gay."

He looked at me confused.

"What do you mean? You just told me you are in love with me, I'm a guy, that means you're gay." He said trying to assure me.

"Yes as far as you, but I'm not attracted to guys. I haven't even looked at other guys. It's only been you." I told him honestly.

"Oh..well…uhhh," he said, trying to form words, "I love you very much Harry. You are my best friend…but I'm not gay."

"I know that Dougie. I wasn't expecting anything from you. You are as straight as they come. Don't worry, it's not like I was going to try and convert you or make you fall for me." I tried to explain to him. "This is just something that I need to get past and I will, for the sake of our friendship."

"Okay, now can we just get back to the way it used to be. No weirdness or awkwardness because I really miss us and being Pudd, the crazy sisters." he laughed.

"Yea, I think that can be arranged." I smiled at him.

"Good, now let's watch a movie or play Xbox or something." Dougie suggested.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in as we settled down to play a few games. I wasn't sure how I was going to change my feelings or how I was going to move on but I sure as hell was going to try. If it meant me and him could still be best friends, I was going to do everything in my power to not ruin it.

We had a lot of fun that night, just like old times. We had a few beers, ordered a pizza and played Xbox till almost four in the morning and then passed out on the couch.

BAM!

I jolted upright and fell over and smacked heads with somebody.

"Ow…mmmm.." I groaned and looked up while holding my forehead.

I saw Dougie in the same position as me and laughter behind us. I turned around to find Tom and Danny holding some of my drum equipment. Danny was laughing so hard I thought he was gong to have a heart attack.

"You left your door unlocked so we thought we'd come in and wake you up." said Tom while Danny was practically falling on the floor in hysterics.

"That is the second time this week I've been knocked off a couch." I said grumpily.

Dougie was trying to stand up and get his bearings.

"I swear to God Flones, I will get you boys back for this." said Dougie with an evil look on his face.

"So everything good now, are we back to rainbows and butterflies around here?" asked Danny.

"Really? Rainbows and butterflies?" I asked.

"Yea, we squared off and happy again?" he asked again.

"Yes, everything is back to normal. Harry and I are just fine." answered Dougie.

"Good," said Tom, "Now we can focus on work again and get things done for the tour."

A few hours later we were all sat around Tom's table planning the designs for the stage for the upcoming tour.

"I really like this one." said Danny pointing to one of Tom's drawings.

"Yea, but I really like this one." said Dougie.

"Okay, well how about we incorporate them somehow, use things from both sets?" I asked trying to find a compromise.

"Actually that's not a bad idea." said Tom.

After we finally came to decision that we all agreed upon, we decided to go out and celebrate. It was the last night we would be able to go out before diving into rehearsals and I figured it would be a good way to keep my mind off our beautiful little blonde. I could drink and dance and maybe meet some new people tonight.

We went to a club in central London that we had never been to before. Once we got past the bouncers we all headed to the bar, weaving around people. The place was packed full, perfect place to get lost in between people and just dance your troubles away.

We all got our drinks and I chugged mine down while the other guys just stared at me. I smiled at them and then headed to the dance floor. I started moving in the sea of people and could feel the alcohol start to take affect. People were dancing around me, dancing with me, it was almost like one big dance orgy.

**Dougie's POV**

"Do you think he's hitting the bottle a little too hard tonight?" I asked Tom.

"Naw, mate. He's just having some fun. Look at the week he has had, hell look at the past few years. He needed to let loose." said Danny.

"Danny is right Dougie but I still think we should keep an eye on him." said Tom.

We decided to go down to the dance floor and blend in with the people. I went to find Harry and check up on him. I saw him dancing with some blonde chick and headed over. Before I reached him though, he started making out with her. Full on, tongue in mouth, hands on her ass. I was shocked, he never was one for one night stands. He pulled away from her and took her hand and began leading her outside. I ran after them and stopped him.

"Hey mate, you okay?" I asked him as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Yup, I'm fine." he answered as the woman he was with kept trying to kiss on him.

"Can we talk for a sec?" I asked him.

He told the girl to hold on a sec as I pulled him away.

"How much have you drank tonight?"

"I don't know, a few, why?" he asked.

"I'm just making sure you're okay and that you know what you are doing. You never take girls home." I said to him.

"First time for everything." he said smirking.

I could tell he was drunk but he is an adult and I wasn't sure if I could stop him., It was usually him taking care of me after a night at the bar.

"I think it'd be best if you told her goodnight and hung out with us." I suggested to him.

I could tell he was getting a little annoyed but I didn't care. I just didn't want him to do something he was going to regret later.

"I appreciate you looking out for me Buttsy but I'm a grown man. I need to move on, this is me moving on."

He turned around, grabbed the girls hand and walked out the door before I had a chance to say anything. When we discussed him moving on, this is not how imagined it. I didn't want him to change who he was. He was a gentlemen who never used women for just sex. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only times he's had sex was when he was in relationships.

I went to find Tom and Danny and told them what happened.

"Dude, let him be, now you're starting to sound like Harry when he worries about you." said Danny.

"No, this isn't the same thing. I'm just trying to look out for him." I explained.

"Okay, well look at this way. You are all he has thought about for the past few years. He hasn't had a relationship in all that time and I'm pretty sure he hasn't had sex. This will get his mind off you and onto someone else." said Danny.

I looked to Tom for some help but he just put his hands up.

"I just found out about all this, I'm staying out of it. No opinion from me except that Harry is an adult. He'll figure things out on his own.

I stopped trying after that. We stayed and danced and had a few more beers before calling a cab and heading home. On our way to Tom's house we passed by Harry's but I didn't see any lights on.

'Where could he be?' I thought to myself.

We got out at Tom's and I told the lads goodbye and started walking home. As I walked home I decided that no matter what, I was going to help Harry. I was not going to let him lose himself. I was not going to let him change. I was going to go to his place in the morning and try and talk some sense into him.

A cab passed me going the other way and I turned around to see Harry and the chick from earlier get out down the street in front of his house. They obviously didn't see me and I could hear them laughing. I felt a twinge in my gut when I saw them, this definitely was not like him.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Finally here is Chapter 6. I hope it's not going too slow for you guys, I'm trying to make it a long story. Again thanks for all the reviews, you all are saying really nice things and it means so much to me, especially since this is my first fic. Hope you guys enjoy this one. Hugs.**

**Disclaimer: I own them, in fact they are here right now…lol that would be kind of embarrassing if they were here right now reading my stuff. I think I would die of embarrassment.**

**Chapter 6**

**Harry's POV**

I had left the guys back at the club and left with this woman, I didn't even know her name, but I was trying to enjoy myself. We ended up going to another club and having a few more drinks before getting another cab back to my place.

I knew I was wasted and probably wasn't thinking clearly. Dougie was right about me not usually doing this. I just wanted to have some fun and not think about Dougie and this girl could hopefully help me to forget.

We laughed as we stumbled through the front door of my house and she started kissing me on my neck again while sliding her hands under my shirt and trailing her fingers across my chest. It had been a long time since I had been with anyone and my body was quick to respond. I was lifting up her shirt as she was unbuttoning pants. We made it to my bedroom and she pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me, kissing her way up my stomach before descending onto my lips. I groaned as she slid her hand down into my boxers and grasped my length, giving it a nice tug. I couldn't help but gasp, it felt so damn good. I grabbed her and quickly flipped us over so I was on top and started kissing down the valley between her breasts. She writhing under me as I grinded against her and pulled her bra down-.

'I wonder what Dougie would sound like underneath me.' I stopped. Oh my God, I am thinking about him.

"Is everything okay?" the blonde asked me.

"Yea, it's fine." I replied. I leaned down and started kissing her but Dougie's face clouded my vision again.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this." I said while sitting up.

"Well it seems you're up for it." she said looking down at my crotch.

"Believe me, I want to but this isn't me. I'm sorry. I'm going to call you a cab." I told her.

She quickly covered herself up and put her clothes back on. She reached into her purse and gave me her card.

"In case you change your mind." she said.

I showed her to the front door and waited till she got in the cab to close the front door. I took a deep breath and went and sat in the living room.

I hoped it wasn't going to be like this every time I tried to see anybody new. But Dougie's voice was inside my head, like he was my conscience. I didn't sleep around, sex was more meaningful to me than just one nightstands. I realized my jeans were still undone and quickly buttoned them back up. I got up and went into the kitchen to make myself some tea and tried to make sense of things.

I don't really have anything to worry about anymore. Dougie knows and we are okay now. I don't have any complaints about the band but I just feel so weird and lost. This getting back to normal thing may take longer than I was hoping. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2 am.

'Beep Beep'

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that I had a text from Dougie.

'Sorry to bother you, just wanted to make sure you were okay.'

I didn't bother texting him back. I just grabbed my jacket and left. He only lived down the street on the other side of Tom. I needed to talk to him. I needed to talk to him as a best friend. He could help me calm down and we could talk through this, that's what we always did before.

I came up to his front door and rang the doorbell.

He opened the door in just his boxers and was rubbing his eyes.

"Harry? Are you alright?" he asked, concern showing on his face.

"Can we talk?" I asked him.

"Yea, sure. Come on in." he replied.

He led us into the kitchen and started making us tea.

"Just cream right?" he asked.

"Yea." I told him. I couldn't help grinning at the fact that he remembered how I like my tea.

I waited till he was finished and sat across from me at the table.

"I couldn't do it. You were right, I couldn't." I tried explaining to him.

"Harry, you're an adult. You can do what ever you want. I shouldn't have said anything." he said.

"No, no. I'm glad you did because that's not who I am and you know who I am." I told him.

"Before all this chaos happened, you were and still are the one person who knows me the best. I wanted to come talk to you cause I know you will help me see things from a different perspective." I explained to him.

"I'll try," he responded, "what's wrong?"

"I don't want you to freak out, can we just pretend for a moment that you don't know what you know? This is something I would ask my best friend and he would help me through it." I said.

"Umm, yea I guess-"

"No, I need to know that you are going to be okay with what I say next." I interrupted him.

"Yes, it's fine." he promised me.

"I couldn't sleep with her tonight because not only was I thinking about what you said but I also stopped because I couldn't stop having thoughts about…someone else." There, I got it out.

He took a deep breath.

"Okay, best friend perspective…." he said.

"You said you wouldn't freak out." I reminded him.

"I'm not, just let me think for a minute." he replied.

A couple minutes of silence passed us before he answered me.

"First of all, I think that the reason you were having…problems…is because you were going to fast," he said, "You need to time to sort your head out and not just go sleep with every girl in sight. Like I said that's not you. You do not sleep around, you are a long term relationship kind of guy."

"I just don't want this to happen every time I get close to somebody." I told him honestly.

"Give it time and take things slow." he said looking directly into my eyes. "It will probably be different when you meet someone you actually have a connection with and not someone you met while you were drunk. It wasn't right tonight because it was all about sex and not about feelings. You have always been about feelings."

"Okay….thanks Dougie."

"No problem."

"No, I mean it. Thanks for being so understanding with me and not shutting me out. You have no idea how much it means to me." I wanted him to know how much I appreciated the fact that we were still friends. "I'm glad we can get back to this and not have things weird."

"Me too." he replied giving me a smile.

We talked for a while longer and realized it was almost four in the morning. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, deciding it was probably time to go home and sleep.

"You don't have to go home Harry." said Dougie.

I looked at him questioningly and he just laughed.

"We are getting back to normal right? What is normal for us? You can stay here."

"Oh….okay, thanks." I said.

I started to head into the living room when I felt a hand grab mine.

"Nope, come on. Weirdness gone, remember. You can sleep with me just like we used too." Dougie said with a smirk.

"I don't know, are you sure?" I tried protesting without really wanting to protest. If he was going to help me get over him, this surely was not the way to do it. But still this is how we had always been.

"Yes, I'm sure."

He led me upstairs to his room and went over to his dresser and opened it. He pulled a shirt out of it and tossed it at me.

"What, you won't be able to handle seeing my bare chest?" I asked jokingly.

"Nope, you need to stay covered up or I might throw myself at you." he responded with a laugh.

We both stripped down to our boxers and he put a t-shirt on and I slipped on the one he gave me. He pulled back the covers and motioned for me to get in. We laid there next to each other with about a foot of space between us but we were comfortable.

This was what I had missed about us. The ability to talk for hours and lose track of time. We talked about music and the band and started reminiscing about old times.

"Do you remember also that one time Danny came strolling out in his underwear and scared those women backstage? That was hilarious." Dougie laughed out loud.

"mhhmm, that was funny." I said, starting to drift off. "We've had some great times."

"Yea, we have." replied Dougie.

There was silence for a few moments.

"Goodnight Harry." he said softly.

"Goodnight Buttsy."

**Dougie's POV**

I could feel myself being pulled out of my dream by the sunlight hitting my face. I didn't want to wake up yet. I felt safe and secure in my little cocoon and could feel warmth all around me. I started to become more aware of my surroundings but still in a daze. Whatever I was feeling felt really good and I didn't want to leave this spot. I could hear light snoring behind me and remembered Harry was here.

I tried to turn and realized Harry's arms were wrapped around me and he had his face buried into the back of my neck. I started to freak out a bit but I didn't want to wake him and then deal with the awkwardness of what was happening right now.

I laid very still and tried to steady my breathing. I needed to move and I needed to pee but I had to admit to myself that being right here actually kind of felt good. I told myself it was just because we are so close and I trust him, it's not because of anything else.

I slowly slipped out of his grasp just as he started to turn over and stretch. I ran to the bathroom and took care of business. I came back out and Harry was slowly stirring. I laid back down next to him and waited for him to wake fully.

"Good morning," he said grinning at me, "I don't think I have had that deep of a sleep in a long time."

"Me either," I agreed, "and it's not good morning, it's good afternoon. It's past 12."

"Oh wow, good thing we aren't doing anything today otherwise Tom would already be freaking out and calling us." Harry snickered.

"I'm sure he'd be having a heart attack."

H looked up at me again and just stared for a second. My stomach was stirring for some reason. I could feel my palms getting a little clammy. What the hell was wrong with me?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait you guys. I've been so busy but finally got a chapter done. I made it a little longer to make up for being so late. Also, please excuse any errors, I could barely keep my eyes open while editing this. Again thanks for all the reviews and please keep them coming, they mean a lot to me. Hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own them, still working on that plan.**

**Chapter 7**

**Dougie's POV**

"Right, so what do you want to do today?" Harry asked sitting up.

I finally broke my gaze and stumbled out of bed.

"Not sure, we can just hang out, whatever." I replied while walking to my closet.

"Oh you know we haven't done crazy golf in a long time. How about that?" Harry asked enthusiastically.

So that's what we did. Harry went home to change and then we left and spent the rest of the afternoon playing crazy golf and then met up with the other guys that evening for dinner. It had been a fun day, just me and Harry getting back to our old ways and then spending time with Tom and Danny.

The next two weeks went by so fast we barely had time to think. If we weren't rehearsing, we were doing promo and interviews and if we weren't doing that then we were going through different acts to find the best one to open for us. This arena tour was going to be huge and it sucked up all our time so by the end of the day I was falling into my bed and passing out.

I was still getting these weird feelings though, every time I was around Harry and I couldn't shake them. I started to notice little things that I never thought twice about before. I started noticing how deep blue his eyes were and how they shined when he was happy about something or how he would chew on his lower lip when he was nervous.

Something was definitely happening to me and I wasn't sure how to stop it.

We were at our last rehearsal getting everything ready and making sure we knew where everything was and putting the finishing details on our set list. We were in the middle of playing One For The Radio and I was jamming out on my bass and jumping around. I ran up one of the ramps that led to where Harry was playing the drums and started rocking out next to him. I turned to look at him and couldn't help admiring how his muscles in his arms were straining and bulging when he pounded on the drums.

"Dougie..Hey Dougie" yelled Tom.

I jerked my head around to look at Tom.

"Yea mate, what's up?" I asked.

"You okay? You just stopped playing." answered Tom.

Oh shit, I didn't even realize.

"Umm yea, I'm fine. Sorry, just tired I guess." I told him.

I tried to hide my flushed face. I was already hot and sweaty from playing but now I have added the heat of embarrassment. I really needed to get myself under control. I cannot be thinking about my best mate like that or be standing there staring at him. I'm the one who told Harry that nothing could ever happen between us. Damn him for planting this seed in my head.

"Okay, right. I think we've had enough tonight." announces Tom.

We were staying in a hotel tonight before the first show and then on to the tour bus tomorrow night. We got to the hotel and said goodnight and went to our separate rooms. I had just got done getting ready for bed and was about to pass out when there was a knock at my door.

"Harry? Everything okay?" I asked stepping back.

"I should ask you the same thing," he said stepping into my room. He had already changed and was wearing boxer shorts and no shirt.

"I..I..I'm fine." I stammered while trying not to stare at his toned chest.

"Well I was just worried, you seemed distracted earlier."

"I think it's all just catching up to me, the stress and the lack of sleep. Getting this tour ready has really drained me." I explained.

"Yea I understand, same here," he said. "but it's all worth it. This is going to be a kick ass tour. I was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out and watch a movie but if you're to tired-"

"No, it's okay. Come on in." I shut the door behind him and he went and sat on the edge of the bed.

I could feel the nerves start to build up in my stomach but tried to push them down and ignore it. We decided on a movie from the list the hotel had to offer and settled in after I turned out the lights. Harry was laying on his stomach with his head down by the foot of the bed while I was leaning my back against the wall at the head of the bed.

We were well into the movie but I couldn't help raking my eyes over his toned shoulders and admiring the curve of his muscles that dipped down into his back. I slowly grazed my eyes down further, taking in the sight of his beautiful bum and finished off with his sexy calves.

Oh my God, I just checked out Harry, again. I was so glad the only light in there was from the TV otherwise Harry would be able to see how red my cheeks were. I took a deep breath, trying to relax and focus on the movie.

"You nervous?" Harry asked, turning around to look at me.

"What?!" I asked startled. Surely he couldn't hear my heart beating out my chest.

"About the show tomorrow?"

"Oh yea, that. Yea, I guess I am a little." I answered.

"Well don't be. You'll be fine. You're an amazing bass player." he said with a smile.

"Thanks." I smiled back.

This was one of things I loved about Harry, he always knows how to make me feel better and always boosting my confidence. I guess it's always been like that between us. We support each other and are there for each other. I still can't believe how much of a dick I was to him. It makes me cringe every time I think about how I treated him. Best friends are supposed to be there for each other through everything. He is the best friend anyone can ask for and I don't know what I would do without him.

That is why I have to stop this weird attraction that is springing up in me. I don't want anything to jeopardize our friendship. I never have even thought about him like this before, not until after he confessed his feelings for me. But in a way I guess it makes sense because of how close we are, I guess feelings were or are bound to come up. In all honesty, looking back, me and him have always had a strangely close bond. So much so that even fans over the years have thought something was going on between us.

Harry broke me out of my thoughts by coming up and sitting next to me against the wall. He had a glint in his eye and next thing I knew he had me pinned and was digging his fingers into my sides, tickling me.

"No Harry, hahaha, stop haha, HARRY!" I couldn't stop laughing and could barely breathe.

"Finally a laugh, had to get you out of that dull mood." he laughed while still tickling me.

He finally stopped so I could catch my breath and just stared down at me.

"Thanks Harry, you always know how to make me feel better." I looked up at him and there was so much more I wanted to say and thank him for, I just couldn't find the words.

He must have been able to tell through my eyes what was going through my head because he smiled and softly said you're welcome. Then he leaned down and pecked me on the cheek before jumping off the bed.

"Goodnight Buttsy, see ya in the morning." He said cheerfully as he exited my room.

I released the breath I was holding and ran my hands through my hair. This was definitely going to get worse.

* * *

Fingertips trailed down my side lightly and I could feel hot breath on my neck as lips grazed my skin. I couldn't help but moan at the feeling of skin on skin. His lips attached to mine with his tongue darting out and seeking entrance. I moaned again and could feel myself getting hard at all this contact. I felt a hand slowly slide down farther and reach into my boxers-

BAM BAM BAM!

"Dougie, time to get up." yelled Tom.

I sat up startled and looked down.

"Oh no." I groaned.

Well this is a great way to wake up, having a wet dream about Harry. Could this day start off any better.

I got up and headed into the shower planning on taking a cold one but decided to just take care of my problem. I turned the water on and stepped in and put my hand against the wall as I started quickly stroking myself. I was trying so hard not to think of him but Harry's face popped into my head and I started imagining what it would be like to touch him and run my hands over that toned body or feel his lips on every inch of my skin. It didn't take me long to reach my release.

Well that was a first, wanking off to images of my best mate. What other weird shit was going to happen today?

**Harry's POV**

We all were up and ready to leave by 11am and headed to the venue. I was seated next to Dougie in the van that was taking us and all I could think about was the fact that I kissed him last night. Okay so it was a kiss on the cheek and he didn't seem to care but still. If I knew there weren't going to be monumental repercussions I would have just gone for the lips but that wouldn't be productive . We are just friends and I'm not going to ruin that, he is as straight as a ruler.

We pulled up to the venue and piled out. We spent most of the time in the dressing room hanging out and doing our usual backstage antics. Tom was playing on his guitar and Danny was doing some sort of weird dance ritual. Dougie was just sitting back taking it all in. I however was pacing, not really sure why but nerves were starting to kick in.

"Harry just sit down, you're starting to make me more nervous." snapped Tom.

I just glared at him and took a seat next to Dougie who just smirked at me.

"It's going to be okay Harry." Dougie said.

"I know, just pre show nerves. I think I'm going to go walk around for a bit, clear my head." I said to the guys.

I walked out the dressing and room and started exploring the different hallways. I passed by the main doors in front and waved to some of the fans who were waiting outside. When they started to pile up I quickly turned to leave before security started having a fit.

I kept thinking about Dougie during my walk, I just couldn't shake him. I really was in love with him and I wasn't sure I would ever get over it.

I was so lost in thought that I wasn't paying attention when I rounded a corner and smacked straight into someone. We both fell to the floor in a heap and I groaned from the pain of hitting my head.

"Oh my God I am so sorry. Are you alright?"

"Yea, yea," I replied, "just bumped my head a bit. It was my fault, are you okay?" I asked. I finally turned my head up to see who I had ran into and came face to face with the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen.

"Yes I'm fine, again I am so sorry." She looked a little frightened. "I just am a little stressed. I'm looking for George, the head of the lighting crew. Something is wrong with the set up and I need to find him so the show can start."

I don't know how she managed to get that out all in one breath but I didn't care. I was mesmerized by her eyes and curly red hair. She was wearing black fitting jeans, a black shirt and boots but she looked beautiful.

"I'm sorry, are you a part of the road crew? I've never seen you before."

"Umm, yea. I just started for this tour." She replied.

"What's your name?" I needed to know her name.

"Anne."

"Hi Anne, I'm Harry." I smiled at her.

"Yea, haha. I know who you are. Nice to meet you," she smiled back, "I'm sorry but I have to go. I need to find George about the lighting."

"Okay and sorry, I don't know where he is. I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yes, definitely."

One last smile and she was gone.

I walked back to the dressing room in a daze and hoped I would see her again.

"You alright mate?" asked Danny.

"Yea, perfect." I said, still dazed and sat down.

"You look weird, what'd ya do? Go an have a wank?"

"Ahh Danny." yelled Tom.

"What, he looks like it." laughed Danny.

"No Danny, I didn't have a wank, bloody hell." I answered.

I couldn't get the stupid grin off my face or her image out of my mind.

"What is it then?" Danny asked again.

"I literally just ran into the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Yay chapter 8! Sorry it's been a couple of weeks but you know life gets in the way. This one is extra long to make up for the wait and this one is definitely rated M, so if you don't like smut you might want to leave lol. Although if it isn't your thing, you wouldn't have gotten this far in the story anyway lol. Thanks for all the reviews, I appreciate them so much. Hope you lovelies like this one. It was actually my first time writing smut so I hope it's okay. Please review, its what keeps me going. Also, I checked and rechecked but sorry if there is any errors. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them…Dammit.**

**Chapter 8**

**Harry's POV**

I wasn't able to tell the guys anymore about my run in because we had been called to the stage but I saw a weird look cross Dougie's face. I would have to ask him about it later. Maybe he thought I was just trying to have fling again.

The first show was amazing beyond words. We loved performing for our fans and rocking out and jumping around the stage. It's one of the best feelings being up there and being so full of energy and hearing the audience sing our songs back to us. We finished off the night with The Heart Never Lies which is always a crowd pleaser and for some reason tends to make the fans cry.

We threw our towels out into the audience and ran off stage heading to the dressing room. We decided to hang out for a while and shower and wait for the crowds to leave. We showered and pulled pranks on each other and I started chasing the guys with a wet towel and snapping them. After a couple of hours we went and got loaded onto the bus to head to our next destination.

We sat around playing FIFA for a while and I decided to head upstairs to the bunks to try and get some sleep. I changed into some sweats and took my shirt off and crawled under the duvet. I'm not sure how long I had been asleep but I was being lightly shaken awake.

"Harry…Harry.." a voice whispered.

"What's wrong Dougie?" I asked sleepily trying to open my eyes.

"I can't sleep."

I pulled the duvet back and scooted over motioning for him to get in. He slid in and made himself comfortable before I covered him up and laid my head back down on the pillow. I was too tired to analyze the situation like I would have if I had been fully awake. This wasn't out of the norm for us, before when he couldn't sleep he would come to me and I would do the same when I couldn't sleep. Thankfully after all the drama recently he still felt comfortable enough to share a bed with me.

I turned my head to look at Dougie and found he had already fallen asleep. That was fast. I turned on my side to face him and lifted my hand to caress his cheek but stopped myself. I didn't want to startle him or scare him off. I settled with gazing at his beautiful features that I could make out in the darkness of the bunk. There is this beautiful creature, who doesn't realize how incredible he is, laying next to me. If I can't have anything else from him, I am thankful that I at least have these moments to cherish.

I stretched my arms above me, trying to settle into sleep. A soon as I lifted my arms, Dougie, in his slumber, snuggled right up to me and buried his face in my chest. I could feel my heartbeat speed up but I didn't have the will power to move away or wake him up so I just gently rested my arm around his shoulders and closed my eyes.

I became aware of something touching my cheek. I wanted to open my eyes but I was so drained that I couldn't find the strength yet. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I continued to feel something slide softly across my cheek over and over again. My breathing hitched and the touching stopped abruptly. Maybe I had been dreaming it. I looked over to find Dougie still laying there and he had his eyes closed. I began to move a little and he opened his eyes and smiled at me.

"Good morning."

"Morning." I smiled back.

"Thanks for letting me crash in here, I slept really well."

"Yea, sure, anytime." I said softly.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was still really early.

"Well we better get up and see how close we are to the hotel." I said.

We were going to the next city to stay in a hotel before doing a gig the next day and I really wanted to get to my room. I needed breather from Dougie before I did something stupid.

"Sorry guys," said Fletch, "there has been a mix up and they only booked us four rooms. I can look for another hotel unless two of you don't mind sharing."

"Harry and I will share." Piped up Dougie.

My eyes widened at the thought but I quickly covered up my look of surprise. So much for getting a breather.

"I mean…unless you don't want to." he said turning to me.

"No, umm, that's okay." I answered, it's not like I could just refuse him.

We all went to our rooms to drop off our stuff and then we were going to meet for breakfast. Dougie put the key card in the door and opened it and I followed him. The first thing I noticed was there was only one bed, it was a king size, but still it was only one. Obviously sharing a bed wasn't a big deal, we just slept in my bunk together last night and that was a lot smaller. I just knew it was going to be that much more difficult for me being in a room alone with him.

"Sorry for just deciding for you earlier," said Dougie, "if you want I can go share with Danny or Tom."

He looked a little worried, like he had offended me in some way.

"No, no, This is fine. It doesn't bother me." I assured him.

His face lit up a little bit after that and after we situated our stuff we went back downstairs to meet the others.

"So whatever happened with that one girl, Harry?" Danny asked looking at me.

I nearly choked on my food and had to take a quick drink of my tea.

"Umm nothing, I only met her last night. I'm sure I'll see her again, she is a part of our road crew."

I could see Dougie start to get fidgety next to me as Danny kept chattering on about the woman and wondering if I was going to ask her out. I couldn't tell what was up with Dougie but he definitely was acting strange.

After breakfast I decided to go back to the room and take a short nap before we decided what to do for the day. Danny, Tom and Dougie went to go look at some shops while I headed upstairs. I walked through the door and kicked my shoes off before pulling the duvet back from the bed. I climbed in and laid my head down on the pillows. I was so exhausted but my mind kept racing, thinking about Dougie and thinking about this new girl. I knew I wanted to see her again but this was new to me. For so long it had been Dougie who clouded my mind so it was weird thinking about someone else.

I was able to finally fall asleep and a couple of hours later I woke up too Dougie's face in front of me.

"Hello sleepyhead."

"Hi." I yawned and stretched.

"So you want to go exploring the city, maybe go see a movie later with the guys?" he asked.

"Sure, just let me get ready." I climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to freshen up.

I walked out and saw that Dougie was waiting by the door and holding my wallet for me. I smiled at him as I took them and Dougie put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me out the door. I instantly felt a shiver go up my spine but tried to ignore it as we left.

We went shopping, ran into a few fans and took some pictures and walked around downtown. We stopped for lunch at a little café and slipped into a booth. Danny and Tom were on one side and Dougie and I on the other. Dougie was being really friendly with me, kept touching my leg under the table or resting his hand on my arm lightly. I was trying not to read into it but it just felt so damn good being this close with him.

The afternoon turned into evening and we found a theater to watch a movie. We decided on a horror movie and went and found our seats. The whole time my heart was beating fast. Dougie kept grabbing my hand when a scary part would come up or he would hide his face in my shoulder. I kept chuckling at him but I was loving every minute of it. After the movie, we walked out arm in arm and hailed a cab to take us back to our hotel.

"Well lads it's been fun but I'm heading to bed." announced Danny.

"Me too." added Tom

"And then there were two." chuckled Dougie.

"Want to get a drink?" I asked.

"Yea but lets just get something from the mini bar in our room."

"oh okay."

We got into the room and set all of our stuff down that we had acquired throughout the day. I walked over to the mini bar and began pulling out little bottles of liquor and juice. I was feeling nervous to say the least. I didn't want to get drunk and end up saying or doing something stupid.

I mixed our drinks and handed one to Dougie and then chugged mine, trying to alleviate my nerves. We were sitting on the floor after a while, still drinking and decided to make it more interesting by playing drinking games. We sat there for a couple hours playing cards and I Never and a few others until we were both smashed. I was having a blast with him but now my judgment was becoming seriously impaired and by the looks of it so was Dougie's. I didn't give a shit though, I was totally wasted and totally awake.

"I'm trashed." slurred Dougie, laughing.

"Me too but I'm so awake. I want to do something." I said.

"Like what?" he hiccupped.

"I don't know, just something. I feel really wired."

I crawled on the floor to the bed and leaned my back against it and Dougie did the same thing sitting next to me. I could tell he wanted to say something but he was hesitating. If were about to have one of "those" conversations I wasn't up for it. We were in not in our right minds right now to discuss anything.

"Are you going to ask that girl out?" Dougie asked softly.

I wasn't expecting that question. I hadn't even thought about her today, I had been to blinded by Dougie and how handsy he had been.

"I'm not sure, I think I'd like too."

"Oh." was all he said.

"Why?" I asked, not sure what type of answer I was looking for.

"Just wondering," he sighed, "Do….you…do you still think about me?

My breathing hitched. Why would he ask me this? Of course I do but I'm supposed to be moving past him. I wasn't sure what to say but I figured honesty was the best way to go. I had already made a mess of our friendship before, I wasn't going to make it worse by lying.

"Yea." I said looking down at my hands in my lap.

He just sat there staring at the floor fidgeting with his thumbs.

"Dougie, you asked. Please don't get upset." I said with fear.

"I'm not upset." he said as he slowly placed his hand on my thigh.

I felt a stirring deep inside me, afraid of where this was going but starting to get turned on at the same time. Damn alcohol.

He started massaging my thigh with his fingertips and I could feel an ache in my groin.

"Dougie.." I half warned and half whimpered.

"Can I just try something?" he asked softly.

I had no vocabulary, my mind was completely shutting down and forgetting every word in the English language. I knew I shouldn't because we were drunk but I couldn't stop myself from nodding my head.

With his hand still on my thigh he leaned over and gently brushed his lips across mine. I was not prepared for this feeling. My insides were aching for his touch and when his lips met mine it felt as if everything else disappeared and it was just me and him. He pulled back and stared into my eyes.

"How was that?" he breathed out.

"Nice." was all I could come up with as I stared directly back into his eyes.

He leaned forward again and slid his tongue out and ran it across my bottom lip. I couldn't help but groan at the feeling. I had dreamt so many times of feeling his tongue on me and now it was really happening.

I was trying to not make any noises but I couldn't hold back a moan when I felt his tongue slide into my mouth. He started massaging my tongue softly with his own and reached up with his hand to place it on the side of my face, caressing my cheek. I could feel his other hand still rubbing my thigh, getting closer and closer to my crotch. I reached over and placed my hands on his hips making his shirt ride up a little so I could touch his bare skin. We both stood up at the same time, not breaking our kiss and landed down on the bed with him on top of me. I kept rubbing my hands up and down his sides as he ground down into me.

"Ohh, fuck." I let out. It felt so fucking good.

He broke our kiss again to start kissing and sucking down my neck and then lifted us both up to rip my shirt off over my head. He kept kissing down, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth and all I could do was pant and whimper. I pulled his shirt off of him and ran my hands over his chest taking time to run my fingers over his erect nipples, rubbing and squeezing them as he threw his head back and moaned. He was sitting up and still straddling me so I took the opportunity to reach up and lick one of his nipples softly, swirling my tongue around it, relishing in the taste of skin.

"God you are so fucking sexy." I said, breathing heavily.

He leaned down again and smashed his lips on mine, both fighting for dominance. Our hands were everywhere, all over each other. I watched as he slid his hand down to the button on my jeans and slowly unbuttoned and unzipped them, his eyes never leaving mine. My breath caught in my throat as he pushed his hands inside my jeans and boxers and grabbed my length. I let out a hiss as immense pleasure washed over me. Dougie was actually touching me right now, in the place he touched me only in my dreams and fantasies.

After giving me a few pumps he jumped up and tore my jeans off me before kicking off his own trousers and crawled back on top of me in nothing but his boxers. We started kissing again and he pushed his crotch down onto mine and moved back and forth. The friction that was being created was such an amazing feeling, especially with such thin fabric separating us.

I wanted to touch him but I was hesitant, I wasn't really sure of what I was doing.

Dougie must have picked up on it though because he moaned "Please Harry, just do it."

I didn't need anymore coaxing. I flipped us over so I was on top and pulled his boxers down a little bit to free his already hard member. I grazed my fingertips over it and just stared at it in awe. I never in a million years thought I would be doing this but here I am, making Dougie squirm underneath.

"Fuck Harry, just touch me."

I wrapped my hand around him and started pumping while he was writhing and whimpering beneath me, trying to grab at any part of me. He put his hand on my neck and yanked me down, devouring my mouth while I continued pumping. At this rate, seeing him like this, I knew I wasn't going to last long. I pulled my hand away from him and took off his boxers before discarding mine. I straddled him again and ground my erection onto his with our chests touching. Dougie slid his hands down back to my ass and squeezed pushing me into him more and wrapped his legs around me. It was like we were trying to melt into one body. I kept thrusting into his groin, rubbing our dicks together faster and faster. I could feel the heat building up inside me and Dougie was losing more and more control, thrashing around under me, a sheen of sweat visible on his face.

"Oh god, Dougie…I'm gonna…"

"Me too, keep going, don't fucking stop." yelled Dougie.

Our pace quickened and I reached a hand between us and started pumping us together, harder and faster. I couldn't hold back anymore and let out a loud grown as I reached my climax and stream after stream of my seed landed on Dougie's thighs and stomach. Dougie soon followed, with the sexiest grunt I had ever heard. He kept releasing over and over again onto my chest. I don't think I had ever seen a person have such huge orgasm before but it was so fucking sexy.

He was slightly shaking beneath me, both of us coming down from our high. I was still laying on top of him and was rubbing his cheek and pushing the hair off of his forehead. I leaned down and softly pushed my lips onto his, basking in this moment, never wanting it to end.

Dougie just laid there staring at me, running his hands softly up and down my back.

"I think that was the best orgasm I have ever had." he said, his cheeks turning even more red from blushing.

"It was amazing," I agreed, " You are so beautiful Dougs."

I just kept gazing into eyes, getting lost and never wanting to be found.

"I'll be right back." I said. I ran into the bathroom and cleaned myself off and then brought a washcloth out and cleaned Dougie off. I slid the rag slowly and softly across his stomach and thighs as he watched me silently. I threw the rag back threw the open bathroom door and laid back down next to Dougie, pulling the duvet up over us.

"Harry…I…"

"No, not tonight. We can deal with this when the real world comes back tomorrow. Can we please just stay in this world tonight?" I pleaded.

"Okay." he responded.

I opened my arms up for him and he leaned over into me placing his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around me. I maneuvered my legs around so I could tangle them with his and rested one hand on his back and the other on his head so I could run my fingers through his hair.

"This is nice." purred Dougie.

"Yea, it is." I replied.

I had no idea what the morning would bring but tonight was the best night of my life so far. I wasn't going to let anything ruin it. I would deal with the consequences tomorrow. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep holding onto the person I cherish most on this earth.


End file.
